The Emotions of Parenting

Parenting, for me, is the most rewarding and yet the utmost difficult experience in the world. I have never felt such love, wonder, and happiness until I looked into the eyes of my children. I have also never felt so completely overwhelmed, incapable, and underwater.

I have a 2 year old and a newborn, as well as a full time job. I am responsible for half of household tasks as well. I feel lucky to have a partner who also works full time and splits the child and household-related responsibilities with me- but even with his help we are often barely getting by.

There can be a lot of guilt associated with being a busy mom. I feel as if I am letting my toddler down when I am needing to feed her brother. She wants my attention and doesn’t understand why I can’t give it to her. I feel as if I am letting my baby down when I am having to work through his cries. I have my mother and partner watch him while I work, but hearing him cry for his mom fills me with guilt. I feel as if I am letting my job down when I have to handle a child meltdown. Not to mention letting my partner down by having no energy to check in on him or grow our relationship.

All of these intense feelings combined with hormonal changes from childbirth can really impact mental health. There is postpartum anxiety, depression, and psychosis- but even if a person does not meet diagnostic criteria for any of these things there are significant emotions and feelings that may be unpleasant. Initially upon giving birth there is the “Baby Blues” for most women- accompanied by uncontrollable crying spells, feelings of guilt or regret, and feelings of extreme overwhelm. 

Sometimes mental health struggles can be more situational than chemical/hormonal- and sometimes vice versa. It is important to seek support for these concerns regardless of their origination source as the treatment can often look similar. A therapy clinician will work with you to identify what recent changes may have occurred in your life to see if any negative feelings are associated with them. They may also discuss genetic history of mental health disorders such as depression, your trauma history, and your substance use and physical health history (including prescriptions, medical procedures, medical diagnoses, alcohol or drug use, etc).

When it comes to being a parent, a child may be your source of happiness and fulfillment- a strength identified by your therapist. Your therapist may recommend cultivating your relationship with them more in order to improve the mental health of each of you. Your child benefits by spending quality time with you and vice versa.

Remember, at the end of the day is that it is normal for your entire life to seem disrupted by the arrival of children. You won't always be happy about that either and that does not make you a bad person nor parent. It is different for everyone- whether they don’t want kids at all, if they didn’t want kids but now have them, if they want kids but don’t or can’t have them, and if they have the kids they wanted yet struggle. Seeking support from wherever you are coming from about the challenges and feelings resulting from your life, roles, and choices can ensure a healthy outlook in future. 

And if you are a parent, remember that you are doing a great job.

Kyndal Sims

Birch Psychology