Navigating Grief: A Guide to Supporting Loved Ones Through Loss
TW: Talk of death, grief, and loss
Death is, unfortunately, a part of life. It can be hard to know how to help friends or family who are experiencing the loss of a loved one. This blog post serves as a guide for some ideas on how you can support this person. Please note that every loss is different, and everyone’s experience of grief is different, so what works for some may not work for all. However, this is what research and therapists say are general guidelines to help navigate this situation.
First, there is no standard form of grief. It can be easy to judge others by how they deal with complicated situations. It is not atypical for grief to bring on extreme emotions and behaviors. The decisions made after a death may not be what you would do. Giving grace in the time afterward is necessary for aiding this person.
There is nothing that can right the wrongness of death. It can be unfair, sudden, or drawn out. A general tip is not to try to “fix” the situation. It can be tempting. These conversations can be uncomfortable and hard, and it is hard to see someone you know and love having a hard time, but your presence and love for this person are enough. If they ask you for something, then you can try to oblige, but do not try to change an unchangeable situation.
Try to reach out as much as appropriate. All relationships are different. So, reaching out every day may work for some and not for others. Try to be consistent without overwhelming this person in your life.
How to have conversations about grief
Make space for them: let them say what they want to say about this person or not say anything at all. Let them know you are there if they want to talk about it, but do not force them to if they don’t want to. Even if they want to mention small details or memories that seem meaningless, this is an important part of the grieving process; being able to speak openly about their experience of the person.
Avoid assumptions: Ask direct questions about the level of support they would want. Let them “call the shots” on how they want to talk about or deal with their feelings.
Offer help: Outside of the emotional weight of death, there are practical things associated. Ceremonies may need to be organized, or there may be basic tasks like laundry or cooking that they may want help with. Offer what you can, but do not expect or be offended if they do not take you up on your offer. Sometimes, it can be good to just spring for it. Instead of offering, tell them you are going to bring some food, tell them you will be there to take them to places they need or want to go. There can be guilt associated with leaning on people, so sometimes it is helpful to just make the decision instead of forcing someone else to do it, especially while they are actively in grief.
Do not try to be positive if it is not appropriate: Avoid trying to find a positive thing to say just for the sake of saying something. Your loved one is likely going through so much, and it can be invalidating for them to think about all the things they still have when they are experiencing immense loss.
Avoid making comparisons: It can be tempting to want them to know how much you understand their situation. Everyone experiences loss. You may want to say that you know what they are going through because something similar happened to you. This may offend the grieving person, but most of all, it takes the attention and space to talk away from them and makes it about you, which can feel limiting to the person who is grieving
Be genuine: Try not to use canned lines or rely too heavily on what you find online or in books. You know this person. You know how you usually talk to them and how you usually support them through other parts of their life. Sometimes, just a simple “I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know I am here for you” is better than trying to give advice or to say something that you feel like you are ‘supposed’ to say in situations like these.
Continual support: Check in with them about their feelings after the death. When a person first dies, the people close to that person often receive a rush of support and lots of space to talk about their grief at funerals, through phone calls, etc. After the rush of events to organize and people to tell, it can feel like a horrible letdown not to be able to mention their grief again. Let them know that even though time has passed, you are still willing to talk or support them; that you don’t just expect them to ‘get on with their life’ just because it has been a while since the person they love died. This can be especially helpful during the holidays, birthdays, or specific times when they may have seen or expected to hear from the person they are grieving.
Specific lines to avoid using:
This is part of God’s/the universe’s plan
At least you still have _____
You should feel/do ____
Ultimately, if this person is close to you, you know this person better than this blog can speak to. Use what you know about the person you love to support them in a way that makes sense for the relationship you have with them. Take advice from here or other places, but trust your instincts. If it comes to a point where this person has been depressed for an extended period or to a severity that worries you, please try to connect them with clinical support. Sometimes, events like the death of a loved one can send someone into a depressive episode that may need a professional’s care. Here are some links that may help provide some extra support:
Finding a support group for those experiencing loss: https://www.griefshare.org/findagroup
Support groups for children experiencing loss: https://childrengrieve.org/index.php?q=find-support
Crisis call center: (775)784-8090
Clinicians at Birch who specialize in grief
Citations
Chatterton, G. (2025, February 5). How to support someone through grief. Relationships. https://ctrinstitute.com/blog/supporting-someone-through-grief/
Hoggart, A. (2018, January 26). 21 ways to help someone you love through grief. Ideas and Etiquette. https://time.com/5118994/advice-for-helping-grieving-friend/
Smith, M. et al. (2024, February 5). Helping someone who’s grieving. Grief and Loss. https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/grief/helping-someone-who-is-grieving
