Focus on What is Important

This article is about remembering to pay the most of your time and attention to the people in things in your life that deserve your attention and care. Time is fleeting and things can change too quickly, and in order to keep your happiness and peace sometimes some deliberation is necessary.

The obvious initial choices are your partner, children, and pets. These are the people you chose and continue to choose to live with and enjoy, and they deserve the most of your energy. Following them in succession may be your extended family members- but it is important to only devote yourself to those who care about you in return and are a source of positive energy. 

I have learned that you do not owe your extended family members anything, especially if they are rude or unsupportive. It is their loss if they choose to miss out on being a part of your life, and you will only gather negative feelings from continuing to keep them close. Sometimes the best course of action when you find yourself regularly anxious and upset over a person is to let them go for the sake of your mental health by cutting contact. This doesn’t mean you need to be rude in return- but deciding to stop visits, phone communication, and setting boundaries is key. Choosing to always be the better person, forgiving the unforgivable, and putting up with things that are not okay will only harm your happiness and peace, and you do not deserve that.

Other blessings or sources of happiness in your life may include your hobbies and activities. When you are feeling down, it is important to remember these things are there to uplift you. In order to “focus on what is important” with your activities of choice, I recommend making these a part of your daily schedule, and setting aside regular time to enjoy them. You may only be able to hike for so many years before something happens and you can’t anymore, so enjoy it now. Don’t let yourself get bogged down by the less important responsibilities and tasks of life and lose your reasons for living.

My husband is happy spending every day working on his truck- a Ford F150 we recently got after years of him begging for a car upgrade. There is nothing wrong with it- he just likes adding these, decorating them, and whatever else it is men do with their vehicles (I try to stay out of it). He talks animatedly about the things he is doing and he looks forward to his nights in the garage after our daughter goes to bed. I encourage him to do this as often as he can and will often steer him away from things like the dishes or yard work because I like seeing him happy, and these other things will get done eventually. Happiness is the thing we all chase most in the world and every resource boils down to it. Encourage happiness in those around you- even if you can’t understand their reason for choosing that source.

I find my happiness more randomly, in little adventures here and there. I love being in water- whether that is swimming or hiking waist deep through a creek with my dogs running through the water and my baby strapped to my chest. I like camping in the middle of nowhere and hiking where I imagine nobody has walked before. I love traveling and seeing different areas and doing thrilling activities- like skydiving, zip-lining, and hot air ballooning. I save my money and plan for these things in advance because I can endure a more difficult day to day if I get occasional extraordinary opportunities. Some people like having their fun and enjoyment a bit day to day, some like “saving it up” to spend all at once like I do. 

Overall, sometimes it’s okay and important to be late to things, let your house get a bit messy, let the kids eat fast food, and skip family events you don’t care about. Time is precious, and sometimes we need to just float in the pool for an afternoon with our kids and eat pizza. These are the memories that will forever fill us with warmth- not the ones of us going to the gym after a long day, forcing laughter at yet another family dinner with relatives you dislike, and overworking yourself. Set your boundaries, choose your happiness sources, and then live unapologetically for yourself. We only have so long here, and we should strive to be as happy as we can.

Kyndal Sims

Birch Psychology