The Five Love Languages!!
Love languages are how we feel loved by others and express our love back. Each person is different, and it is important to identify both ours and those of our close relationships in order to strengthen our connections and be happier.
One or two of the five distinct languages will be your preference, even though we all show and feel our love through all of these things. We all appreciate and understand that we are being loved a bit more when the person is using our preferred language. For example, if my love language is gifts, my partner could tell me repeatedly “Happy birthday” and “I love you” all day long, but I will recognize those things to be true when presented with a thoughtful gift.
We typically tend to use the love languages we have to show other people we love them too. For example, if my preferred love language is acts of service, I will mostly likely show others I care by doing tasks for them because that is what I seek in return. It is important in our closer relationships, such as romantic, close friend, or close family, to identify the other person’s love language and provide them with things that fulfill that for them in order to make them happier, instead of just projecting our own.
Many couples struggle and have issues feeling loved by their partner simply due to a mismatch in love languages and a lack of awareness about how to solve it. Taking the love languages test with your partner can be very beneficial. Once you find out what your partner prefers, you can adjust your strategy accordingly and really help them feel your love on the level they crave. If, for example, a man finds out his wife’s love language is quality time, he can consciously try to spend more time with her doing things together, rather than buying her gifts for occasions like he might prefer. Then, the wife can remember that he enjoys gifts and put extra effort into little gifts here and there to show him she loves him too.
Here are some examples of how to handle each specific love language!
Words of affirmation: Write your partner little love letters occasionally to brighten their day, write small sticky notes with loving thoughts and stick them in places they’ll find overtime, and whenever you’re thinking about how amazing they are- tell them directly and right then. Don’t overly criticize them, use words to bring them down, or withhold loving words as a form of anger. Reassure them of your love and happiness often, even when things are harder.
Quality time: Dedicate an hour per day to sitting and talking with your partner, engage in an activity together that you both can enjoy, and plan special getaway trips or activities with them as often as possible. Don’t leave them during arguments, try not to cave to distractions while spending time with them, and don’t stop the dating when you’re in a long term relationship. Spending thoughtful time together, just the two of you, is extremely critical.
Physical touch: Show affection regularly and often, kiss your partner during every entry and exit of either person, and prioritize intimacy. Don’t use touch to harm your partner, don’t receive their touch coldly, and don’t neglect them physically. They prefer a more non-verbal display of love, and it is important that you use your body language to show them love instead.
Acts of service: Handle house-chores for them occasionally to lighten their load, bake them a homemade cake or cookies to surprise them, and offer help to them as often as possible on tasks. Do not help others more often than your partner, forget to follow through and complete the tasks asked of you by your partner, or withhold help during arguments. Always offer your help, and be helpful and positive when they do accept your offer to show them they have an equal partner who has their back.
Gifts: Be sure to be very thoughtful about gift choices during holidays, surprise them with their favorite snack or drink after work, and remember the things they enjoy or point out to you as being interested in so you can surprise them later. Don’t be unenthusiastic about receiving gifts from them, don’t spend more money than thought on gifts, and don’t forget to celebrate special occasions. It is important to remember that they feel loved through the thoughtfulness and creativity of gifts, not the price.
Want to take the test and see for yourself? Follow this link to find out what your love language breakdown is, and have your partner do the same!
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
Kyndal Sims
Birch Psychology
Resources:
https://www.5lovelanguages.com
https://www.verywellmind.com/can-the-five-love-languages-help-your-relationship-4783538
https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X
