Friendships

All of us have friends or need them, as a friendship is one of the most important social connections in existence. Our friends are people we choose to join our lives and can become even closer than family. Having friends reduces stress, increases self confidence, boosts serotonin, and can encourage a healthy lifestyle.

Friends act as our primary confidants, motivators, and activity partners in life. We bring them with us to the mall to go shopping, we call them during fights with our partners, and they cheer us on every post we make on social media. They are our gift in life, people not related to us by blood who are just as loyal. We typically choose our friends based on sharing a common interest, and we expand our friend groups through being introduced to others by our friends. It is said that people have roughly 10 close friends at any given point and close to 100 other friendly social acquaintances. 

We learn a lot from our friends and even mimic many of their behaviors as we grow closer to them. Thus, it is very important that we choose friendships that are positive and beneficial rather than “convenience friendships” that cause us harm in the long run. The concept of convenience relationships can refer to friendships, acquaintances, or even romantic relationships, as sometimes when we are lonely and feel that we cannot find good people to socialize with, we socialize with the first people we find to fill that void for better or worse. We may know that these relationships are not beneficial, but we keep them for lack of better options. 

While sometimes this can still benefit us, as some interaction is better than none, if the interaction occurs with people who bother us, depress us, anger us, annoy us, or negatively influence us, that interaction can have poor consequences. Imagine a shy kid in school. Imagine that the bully of the school decides to take this kid on as a “friend”. The shy kid may appreciate the friendship and interaction so much that they do not realize they are engaging in poor behavior and contributing to the harm of others. They may even grow to adopt the bully’s behaviors as they familiarize themself with the bully even more and grow fond of them. The idea behind groups such as church youth groups or young boys or girls clubs is to encourage positive interactions and social relationships between children so they grow up with happy connections, numerous friends, and positive behaviors. Even adult groups such as activity clubs, parenting groups, fitness clubs, church organizations, or charity organizations seek to do the same thing, bringing together adults with a common interest into a common social circle so that they can interact positively. If we have friends in our lives who seem to be negative influences on our emotions or behaviors, such as ones who overly encourage irresponsible partying or who surround us with nothing but negative thoughts, it may be time to distance and actively find other friends.

Of course, as in all relationship sometimes friendships fall apart on their own. Psychologically, this can cause as much sadness and take as much recovery time as that of a dating breakup if the friendship was as close and the separation was unexpected. Most friendships have been found to end due to the people growing distant and stopping their efforts to remain close. Reasons for this include investing more time into family, work, dating relationships, or other friendships. If people in a friendship do not consciously choose to keep the friendship going and make a point to interact with the other person, this relationship can and will end and disappear. 

Having good close friends has been shown to elevate mood and decrease the symptoms of mental disorders significantly. Having close friends also reduces the longevity of domestic violence or abusive situations. If you are feeling down or needing some help, reaching out to a friend is one of the best things you can do. Meeting with a friend over a cup of coffee and talking about struggles you are having can really give you great insight and take some of the mental burden away. It is always important to find and keep great friendships for our health, while also distancing ourselves from negative friendships for the same reasons.

Kyndal Sims

Birch Psychology