Don't Think Negatively

This article isn’t necessarily about thinking positively. Instead, it’s about the concept that our subconscious minds cannot process negative statements.

“Don’t think about a banana!”  Did a banana pop into your mind?

“Don’t you dare think about a teddy bear!” How cute was that teddy bear you imagined, even though you were told not to?

I was once working with young children and was giving directions on a worksheet. “Cut out the picture of the bunny, but do not cut on the solid lines.” Yep, every child cut on the solid lines. Why? Because their little minds hadn’t learned how to process that negative statement yet.  Believe it or not, it’s something we all must learn.

It’s only because of brain development that we can distinguish what is being said. If someone says, “Do not cross the street,” we understand to wait at the curb. However, young children may not have the ability yet to process that. They understand every word in that sentence except the word not. What their brains hear is, “Do cross the street,” and off the curb they go. We frantically yell and reprimand and say, “I told you not to cross the street!” So maybe instead of being defiant, they just didn’t understand. Over time, with age and repetition, we learn what is really meant with the word not.

This is not only important when raising or working with young children, but also when it comes to self-talk.

“I am not ugly. I am not stupid. I am not a failure.” Again, our brains hear everything in those sentences louder than that measly little word not in there. “I AM not UGLY.” Repeating these mantras over and over is doing little good and might be reinforcing the negative.

Instead, rephrase into sentences without the word not. (This also includes contractions using not, such as can’t, don’t, won’t, and doesn’t.)

Instead of “I am not ugly,” rephrase it as, “I am beautiful.”

“I am smart,” instead of, “I am not stupid.”

“I am successful,” in place of “I am not a failure.”

“I am safe,” versus, “He won’t hurt me anymore.”

“I will eat in a healthy way,” instead of, “I won’t binge.”

“I can drink soda,” exchanged with, “I can’t have alcohol.”

“I have healthy coping methods,” to substitute, “I don’t want to self-injure.”

These statements are much more powerful and meaningful. They can build confidence more efficiently and help to focus on the positive choices.

When it comes to giving directions to young children, state what you want done without the word not.  

“Wait at the curb,” substituted for, “Don’t cross the street.”

“Use soft voices, please,” instead of “Don’t shout.”

“Keep your hands to yourself,” versus, “Don’t touch.”

“Where does that go?” in place of, “That doesn’t go there.”

“You can walk,“ instead of, “You cannot run.”

This saves both of you a lot of frustration. Over time, their little brains will be able to process the negatives. Changing the way you phase your communication will not impede the learning. It will develop naturally.

I hope you will not forget this lesson and that it does not lose your focus. It cannot hurt!

Or rather, I hope you will remember this lesson and that it becomes something you focus on. It can help immensely!

Kyndal Sims

Birch Psychology