Couples Counseling: Marriage Therapy
Couples Therapy: ONE BIG MISTAKE Reduces Its Effectiveness
“That’s it! I’ve had it — we need counseling.”
Unfortunately, too many couples turn to couples therapy as a last-ditch effort to try to save their relationship. By the time they seek assistance, there’s so much pain, loss of respect, and even loss of love, that it’s nearly impossible to recover from that state.
There are simply too many issues and a lack of motivation to put in the effort that’s required. However, if people realized that marriage counseling works better as a form of prevention, then more relationships would last for longer.
How Do You Maximize the Effectiveness of Marriage Counseling?
Seek counseling before a big change occurs. If you’re considering starting a family, changing careers, moving out-of-state, retiring, or going back to school, talk through these plans with a therapist to help these transitions run more smoothly.
Your partner may have concerns or fears that must be shared. Additionally, it may be helpful to formulate a backup plan in case things don’t go as intended. Sometimes, just discussing the logistics of a major change minimizes the friction felt later, once your plan is underway.
In fact, therapists wish more people would try couples therapy as soon as an issue arises, instead of waiting for it to fester and become a bigger problem to solve. If you’re bickering over finances, extended family, household chores, or time management, you should discuss these issues with a neutral third party sooner rather than later.
That way, you and your partner can share your feelings and ideas in a safe, nonjudgmental space. Additionally, you can make plans to prevent future squabbles over similar issues.
But couples therapy isn’t just helpful for small, predictable problems…
The same is true when you’re facing hardships such as job loss, bankruptcy, the loss of a loved one, a tragic accident, or the diagnosis of an illness. Any of these can put a strain on your marriage.
However, if you seek outside help at the onset, your chances of working through these hard times as a cohesive team are greatly improved. Therapy is a safe place to vent, cry, worry, and plan together.
You should also consider marriage counseling when you’re experiencing negative emotions about the relationship. It can be particularly beneficial for helping you to maintain that spark of romance by keeping your relationship fun and passionate.
An unbiased 3rd-party is often necessary to promote openness.
Sometimes, our partner has a close relationship with a friend or coworker that makes us worry about possible infidelity. If you feel insecure and you need validation that your partner is being honest or faithful, a therapist helps you to work through this. Discussing these concerns and setting boundaries builds trust and potentially prevents an inappropriate outside relationship.
Couples Therapy Should Be Preventative, Not Reactionary
By thinking of couples therapy and marriage counseling as prevention instead of healing, you maximize its effectiveness and minimize roadblocks to resolution. Being proactive may only require a couple of sessions, while recovery from deep dysfunction may require months of weekly meetings.
Most therapists also provide conflict management strategies to use at home when working through disagreements. Better communication skills empower you to express your feelings and concerns in a safe, calm way, enabling you to better understand each other without resorting to anger or causing more pain.
In fact, many religions require couples to complete a premarital program before getting married in the church. They discuss things like budgeting, household chores, if children are wanted and when to have them, goals for the individuals, and goals for the marriage itself — topics that aren’t often discussed during the passion of love!
Be Proactive with Couples Therapy from Birch Psychology
Rather than treating counseling as a last resort, make it the first step. Be ready to seek help as soon as there’s something to work through. Talk about your desires or concerns with your partner and an unbiased 3rd Party, and make a plan for your future together.
This is invaluable for starting your marriage off right. Find a therapist that fits your needs and plan for a long-term relationship with them. It’s easier and faster to work through an issue if your therapist is already familiar with you & your partner, your families, and your daily living situation.
Look at marriage counseling as a part of the foundation of your relationship, and as a necessity for growing into a healthy, happy, thriving future. To learn more about the benefits of proactive couples therapy, schedule a consultation with the Birch Psychology team today.
Kyndal Sims
Birch Psychology